Truth on Unpredictable Days

I’m not what you would describe as a type A person, so control hasn’t been a struggle in my life. 
Or so I thought until recently . .
I’m not a structured person, although I am tempted by pretty planners &
I’m also not spontaneous, though an unplanned getaway sounds dreamy!

I prefer rhythm & predictability or admiringly known as “disguised control” .

Last week this adorable 8month old yanked control out from beneath me & flat out punched predictability in the face!
Harbor’s sleep has been erratic meaning
our rhythm has been non existent!
The days of unpredictability led to unproductive days followed by an avalanche of self centered criticism & condemnation. 

As I begrudgingly sat in stillness, attempting yet again to induce Harbor into a nap, the Father spoke :
“I see you. You’re not alone.”
& the dam broke as the Father flooded my soul with truth;
Truth that noticeably slid out of focus as I fixed my eyes on my circumstances.
➕ Truth that He is faithful. 

➕ Truth that He has carried me through difficulty & uncertainty. 

➕Truth that although I’m sleep deprived,
I’m abundantly thankful our sweet boy is home & not lying in a bed in the NICU. 

➕ Truth that although Harbor seems increasingly needy, my heart explodes with gratitude, recalling that endless week my empty arms ached to hold him!

➕ Truth that although Harbor is struggling with sleep, it’s because he’s growing mentally & physically. 

➕ Truth that I am loved as my husband graciously holds Harbor for hours during the night so that I can sleep. 

➕ Truth that these moments of childhood are more precious than predictability.
Moments which are painfully evident as our oldest talks about life & the future & my heart aches because the bittersweet truth is that these days of childhood are fleeting. 

So as the tears of selfishness flush out of my soul, tears of gratitude began streaming down my face. 
I hold Harbor close & whisper “thank you”.
Thank you for the gift of beauty, grace & Truth especially on unpredictable days. 
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Truth for my Child

Our first official week of the 2016/17 school year is almost complete.
This week we gently eased back into school mode.
 I held a loose idea of what our days would look like, and we certainly had struggles,
but the Father planned for something lovely.

Earlier this week, I lay tossing and turning, not over curriculum, but with a strong stirring upon my heart.

 A stirring of what truly matters most in our day to day.

 
My heart begin to well up with the enormity of the daily opportunity I've been given as a mom
to speak life over my children. To declare the truth to them.

Truth that they might often not believe. 

Truth that they the world has lied to them about.

Truth of who they are; not based on actions, but a child their Father has redeemed them as.

I awoke the next morning, penning words from the Father;

You are righteous, not b/c of actions, but simply b/c you believe.

You are my child; my son, my daughter.

You are royalty and have the complete inheritance as my child.

You can never disinherit all that I've given you. You are not in lack.

I have provided and will continually, abundantly provide more than you can imagine!

You are unconditionally loved, no matter what you do, or how much you mess up.

You are NOT a disappointment.

My arms are continually open toward you.

When you feel distance, turn around, you'll see Me. I am never far from you.

I will never leave, never turn aside.

I am always perusing you, always longing for you. 

I am your Shepherd.

When you fall, when you're wounded and cannot walk,

I will carry you close to my heart, so you hear my heartbeat toward you.

Your falling does not anger me; You are pleasing! 

Not b/c of how you act, how you look, or what you say.

You are mine and I delight in you!

When I look at you, I see a clean and spotless child b/c of the priceless blood which paid for your righteousness.

I love you when you are unlovable. 

I am your Father, standing with open arms, welcoming you my child.

I've prepared a wondrous feast, I've put the finest clothes on your back.

All of my kingdom is yours, simply b/c you.are.mine." 

grace

there's been this changing within my heart. a sweet, indescribable shift of focus. refocused on the Father's heart, His true nature. His beauty. His friendship toward me. His overwhelming, abundant pleasure and love. His shepherding heart. the beautiful song He's singing over me. my children. my spouse. over you.